Parenting as Self-Discovery: How Our Children Teach Us to Grow
- Divya Pritwani
- Jan 25
- 10 min read
Table of Contents
Introduction
Parenting often arrives in our lives like an uncharted journey, one that reshapes not only how we see our children, but also how we see ourselves. When I first stepped into fatherhood, I believed the path would be about guiding, teaching, and preparing my child for the world. But over time, I began to notice something unexpected: my children were teaching me just as much, if not more, than I was teaching them. Parenting became less about instruction and more about reflection, a process of self-discovery that unfolded in the everyday moments of play, struggle, laughter, and connection.
For many of us, parenting is not just about raising children, it’s also about confronting the parts of ourselves that have been long hidden beneath layers of conditioning. When our kids express themselves freely, whether in joy, frustration, or resistance, they often mirror back pieces of our own inner world. Sometimes, what we see in them are the very parts of ourselves we once silenced in order to fit in or be accepted. Parenting as self-discovery means noticing those reflections, pausing to listen, and embracing the uncomfortable truths they carry. In those reflections, there’s an invitation to heal, to grow, and to meet ourselves again.
This journey of raising children also becomes a dance of co-evolution. Instead of imagining parenting as a one-way street, where we guide and they follow, we begin to see it as a partnership, where both parent and child are constantly learning, stumbling, and becoming. When we let go of control and lean into playfulness, presence, and authenticity, we discover a softer, truer rhythm of family life. Parenting then transforms into something far deeper: a mirror that reveals who we are, a teacher that invites us to evolve, and a path that leads us back to our own wholeness.
In this blog, I want to share what I’ve learned about parenting as self-discovery, how our children’s presence helps us uncover hidden patterns, rewrite inner stories, and embrace imperfection with compassion. If you’ve ever felt that parenting stretches you beyond the roles and expectations you thought defined you, this reflection may resonate. Together, let’s explore how our children don’t just grow under our care, they grow us into the people we are meant to become.
The Mirror of Parenthood
Our children are often mirrors, reflecting back the parts of ourselves we've long buried or ignored. Their emotions, reactions, and choices sometimes hold a quiet wisdom, revealing the unspoken within us. I’ve always felt a deep discomfort being around people who ask too many questions—“How’s this? How’s that?” I never liked it, not even as a child. Over the years, I trained myself to appear fine, to smile, to give polite answers, to show up looking "good" and say the right things. It was exhausting. Pretending became a skill, but it came at the cost of my peace. I never fully realised the toll it had taken, until I noticed my son Krishiv doing the exact same thing.
Whenever relatives or family friends visited, Krishiv would quietly slip into his room and prefer staying alone. When I asked him why, he simply said, “I don’t like questions. They all keep asking.” It hit me like a wave. That was me, my younger self, my present self. But then, I observed something deeper. When someone genuinely needed help, like the time my uncle came from Kolkata and needed the AC remote, Krishiv was right there. He got it for him without hesitation. No fuss, no avoidance—just quiet, mindful help. Our relative later told us, “He doesn’t talk much, but he helped. That mattered.”
That moment shifted something in me. Krishiv didn’t shy away from connection, he just longed for authenticity. He didn’t reject people; he rejected pretense. He wasn't withdrawn; he was discerning. He wasn’t avoiding; he was protecting. His behavior wasn’t something to "fix" it was something to understand. Through him, I saw my own longing to be met beyond questions, to be seen without a performance, to connect from the heart rather than social script. In him, I found a part of me still waiting to be acknowledged.
When we start recognizing these reflections, something shifts in how we see our children's behavior. What once seemed like defiance or withdrawal begins to reveal itself as something far more meaningful.
So whenever we’d be playing—just everyday family play as part of our unschooling life—Krishiv, my guiding light, would sometimes say, “Go away, Daddy,” and not want me around. I used to get taken aback. It stung a little. I started questioning myself. And in that process, I realised something. I’ve always been like that too. Even when my parents tried to get involved in what I was doing—with full enthusiasm—I’d often push them away. I wouldn’t explain things, especially not if it had anything to do with my mistakes or weaknesses. I’d keep a straight face and just shut off. The more I looked at it, the clearer it became: I was scared of not looking good.
During any activity, if there was even a small chance of making a mistake, I’d want to avoid being seen at that moment. I wanted to appear perfect all the time. And that created a lot of gaps in my relationships, especially with relatives. No one really knew what was going on with me, because I just didn’t communicate. Watching Krishiv helped me uncover this old pattern in myself. It still shows up sometimes, but at least now, I’m a little more aware.
Once we begin to see our children as mirrors rather than projects to be shaped, we naturally move toward a different way of being together. Parenting isn’t a one-way street where we guide and they follow. It’s a two-way journey where our children grow, and we grow alongside them. When we see it that way, we stop trying to fix or control every situation. Instead, we start listening more, softening our reactions, and staying curious. Their struggles reflect our own, and their growth invites ours. The struggle has now reduced from feeling like I always have to be a perfect parent to embracing a transition—from being just a parent to becoming a learner. It’s less about shaping them and more about evolving together, moment by moment.
In these moments we learn that not only is play a joy but it’s so much more. Through their laughter and uninhibited play, they invite us back to parts of ourselves we thought we'd outgrown.
Playfulness as a Path to Self-Discovery
Embracing my child’s unique journey has shown me that parenting isn’t just about guiding them—it’s also about discovering who I am beyond the roles and expectations I’ve carried. Watching Krishiv grow in his own way, with his own pace and personality, challenges me to let go of fixed ideas about how a parent—or even a person—should be. It invites me to be more flexible, patient, and open to change. In supporting his path, I’m learning to trust my own unfolding, becoming more authentic and aware of who I’m meant to be—not just as a parent, but as a person.
Just this morning, it was life as usual, and I was feeling some Friday blues, lacking the energy to move on. Then I thought I’d just go and chill with Krishiv for a while. I went into his room, and even though he resisted at first, I started tickling him. His giggles kicked in some dopamine, and we slipped into a casual banter. Soon, the female gang joined—my wife and daughter—and the game went to the next level. That family banter pushed me through the day and washed away the boredom and mundane blues. Moments like these remind me how much we grow together, learning not just about them, but about ourselves too.
In the midst of rediscovering joy through play, we also find ourselves in a space where deeper truths can surface, truths that only emerge when we drop our adult masks and allow ourselves to simply be.
When we stop trying so hard to always ‘be the adult’ and just allow ourselves to be playful, something shifts inside. We let our guard down without even realising it. That’s when real feelings start surfacing—our fears, our hopes, the stuff we usually keep buried. Play somehow makes those walls fall, and suddenly there's this honest connection—not just with our kids, but with ourselves. I’ve been noticing lately, through different moments in life, that vulnerability is actually a strength.
Growing up, I somehow developed this strong belief that I always had to be good, that mistakes weren’t safe. Maybe it was the way things were handled back then—corrections came with strong reactions. And over time, I started avoiding situations where I could go wrong, just to stay in the clear. Slowly, I built this image of 'being good' as a way to protect myself.
That version of good became my default setting. But it also made me hide parts of myself and created a lot of pressure inside. Even now, I can feel how deep that pattern runs—looking good is still there. It’s very much a part of me. But now, with Krishiv, I see a different way.
The way he expresses himself so freely, without filters or fear, teaches me something every day. I’m gradually shifting—progressing as a process parent—and trying not to suppress that inner voice that tells me to be real, to be honest, to be me. Through him, I’m healing parts of myself I didn’t even realise were holding on so tightly.
As play opens our hearts and softens our defenses, it creates the perfect conditions for something even more transformative: the opportunity to heal old wounds while nurturing new growth. The connection we build with our children becomes a bridge to reconnecting with ourselves.
Rewriting Our Inner Stories Through Connection
When we nurture our child’s emotional needs, it often shines a light on wounds from our own childhood that we might not have fully faced. Caring for them with patience and love forces us to slow down and reflect on the patterns we carry, sometimes the same fears, insecurities, or hurts we experienced growing up. In that process, we get a chance to understand and gently heal those old wounds. Holding our child’s emotions with kindness becomes a way to hold our own past with compassion, helping us transform pain into growth while staying present with the new generation.
This healing process naturally teaches us one of parenting's most liberating lessons: that perfection was never the goal. Our children show us every day that it’s okay not to have everything figured out. Watching Krishiv learn, make mistakes, and try again reminds me that growing is a messy, ongoing process. They don’t expect perfection—they just want love and patience. Through their curiosity and resilience, they teach me to be kinder to myself, to accept that I’m a work in progress too. Embracing imperfection with compassion becomes not just about them, but about how I treat myself as well.
The Gift of Presence and Becoming
Choosing presence over productivity in parenting has taught me to slow down and really pay attention, not just to my kids, but to what matters most to me. When I stop rushing to check things off a list and instead focus on being fully there, I start noticing the little things, like the way Krishiv’s eyes light up when he’s curious, or how Khushi feels safe just being close.
These moments remind me that parenting isn’t about doing more or doing it perfectly. It’s about showing up with patience and openness, learning alongside them, and discovering my own values and purpose through those shared experiences. Slowing down helps me connect more deeply with my children and with myself and that’s where real growth happens.
This presence transforms not only how we parent, but who we become in the process. Embracing my child’s unique journey has shown me that parenting isn’t just about guiding them, it’s also about discovering who I am beyond the roles and expectations I’ve carried. Watching Krishiv grow in his own way, with his own pace and personality, challenges me to let go of fixed ideas about how a parent or even a person should be. It invites me to be more flexible, patient, and open to change. In supporting his path, I’m learning to trust my own unfolding, becoming more authentic and aware of who I’m meant to be not just as a parent, but as a person.
This path of presence and mutual becoming weaves together all the threads of our parenting journey: the mirrors, the partnership, the play, the healing, and the growth. As we conclude this exploration, let's gather these insights and see how they form a complete picture of parenting as the ultimate journey of self-discovery.
Conclusion
Parenting is more than a role; it is a lifelong journey of self-discovery. As parents, we often begin this path believing it is our responsibility to teach, guide, and shape our children. Yet along the way, we come to realize that parenting also teaches us, reflects us, and transforms us in ways we never imagined.
Here are the key takeaways from this parenting journey of growth and becoming:
Our Children Reflect Hidden Truths: By watching our children’s behaviors and emotions, we see reflections of our own inner world. Their authenticity reminds us to let go of masks and rediscover the parts of ourselves that long for attention and healing.
Parenting Is a Shared Journey: Parenting is not a one-way process of raising children; it is a co-evolution. When we shift from control to curiosity, we grow alongside our children and discover new ways of being together.
Play Unlocks Self-Awareness: Playful parenting reconnects us with spontaneity, laughter, and vulnerability. Through play, we uncover truths about ourselves and learn that authenticity matters more than perfection.
Connection Helps Rewrite Old Stories: Raising children with presence gives us the opportunity to heal our own wounds. Meeting our child’s needs with compassion allows us to rewrite the stories of our past and embrace a gentler way of being.
Presence Transforms Parenting: Choosing presence over productivity in parenting shifts our focus from doing to being. By slowing down, we nurture not only our children’s growth but also our own unfolding identity and purpose.
In the end, parenting as self-discovery invites us to see that our children do not just grow under our care, they grow us into truer, more compassionate versions of ourselves. This parenting journey is less about perfection and more about presence, less about control and more about connection. When we embrace this, raising children becomes a path of growth, healing, and transformation for the entire family.
And if you would like to know more about my parenting journey, read our book Parenting with a Smile: A Journey into Playful Living. A book I co-authored along with 4 insightful, unique individuals, a collaboration of 5 perspectives to life, play and connection. So join us on a playful journey.
Thank you for reading this blog. All the best for your parenting journey. Feel free to like, comment and share this blog with fellow parents.
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