Motherhood Without a Manual: Trusting Your Instincts
- Eleanor Sybil D'Cruz
- 2 days ago
- 10 min read
Table of Contents
Introduction
Are you a parent navigating the beautiful, often messy, journey of raising children? Do you ever feel like you're constantly searching for a "how-to" guide that simply doesn't exist? In a world overflowing with conflicting advice, it's easy to get lost in the noise, questioning every parenting decision and wondering if you're truly doing enough.
This blog, Motherhood Without a Manual: Trusting Your Instincts is for you – a fellow parent who understands the profound joys and unique challenges that come with nurturing a family.
We've all been there, comparing ourselves to seemingly "perfect" parents or feeling overwhelmed by societal expectations. But what if the greatest wisdom lies not in external manuals, but within you? This blog explores the profound power of trusting your inner voice, that subtle intuition that often gets drowned out by external pressures. It’s about rediscovering the confidence to follow your own instincts, knowing that you are the expert on your child and your family's unique rhythm.
Join me as we delve into the myth of the perfect parent and remember how to tune into that quiet, powerful inner compass. We'll explore how even the most challenging moments offer deeper wisdom, and how finding strength in a supportive community can empower you to trust yourself more deeply.
Get ready to release the need for a rigid manual and embrace the amazing journey of parenthood, guided by your own inherent wisdom.
Let’s begin by pulling back the curtain on one of the heaviest burdens mothers carry—the myth of the perfect mother. What are these invisible scripts we keep trying to live by?
Where did they come from? Why do they hold so much power over us? Most importantly, who decided what “good motherhood” should look like in the first place? The answers might surprise you, and they might just set you free.
The Myth of Perfect Motherhood
So many of us carry invisible scripts etched silently into our hearts by childhood memories, cultural ideals, well meaning advice, and the glossy mirage of modern media. We’re told a “good mother” is tireless, cheerful, endlessly giving, and somehow untouched by the wear and tear of daily life. She is expected to meet every need before it’s spoken, to never raise her voice, and to gracefully juggle the hundred unseen tasks that shape a child’s world. But this vision, though tempting, is deeply unrealistic- and worse - it can quietly undo a mother’s confidence by measuring her against an ideal that was never truly human to begin with.
I remember one particular birthday - my daughter’s second. I had just been discharged from hospital after a painful week with a slipped disc. I could barely walk, let alone bustle about the kitchen baking a cake like I had dreamt. I’d imagined making that day magical with my own hands, as so many of us do. Instead, I lay in bed, feeling helpless, watching the day unfold around me. I felt crushed. Crushed by my body’s limits, by guilt, and by the ‘not so quiet voice’ that said, "You should be doing more." But then something beautiful happened. My family and friends gathered around. A dear friend came to stay for a few days and lovingly baked a cake under my instructions. The celebration went on - full of warmth and laughter - even though I couldn’t be on my feet.
It took time, but I began to see what that day really taught me: that good motherhood isn’t about doing it all yourself. It's about love - shared, shown, and sometimes delegated. The truth is, no one gets to decide what “good motherhood” looks like except you and your child—together, in the unique and evolving rhythm of your relationship.
A good mother is not defined by her tidiness, her meal plans, or how well her child performs. She is defined by her presence, her courage to keep showing up, and her willingness to grow alongside her child.
As Glennon Doyle writes,
“There is no perfect mother, just a real one doing her best.”
Let’s release the myth and honour the mothers who are beautifully, bravely real - even from bed, whispering love into the soft corners of ordinary days.
Once we see the myth for what it is, a story we never needed to live by, the next question arises: how do we hear, and truly trust, the quiet voice of our own instincts beneath all the noise?
That voice has been there all along, softly guiding us, yet it’s so often drowned out by advice, comparisons, and the pressure to do it “right.” The real work now is learning to tune back in and remember that inner voice; let me explain.
Remembering the Inner Voice
Our instincts are always speaking, but in the rush of schedules, advice columns, and comparison traps, we forget to listen. That quiet inner voice, the one that knows our child’s unique cry, that whispers “let it go” when we’re holding on too tightly, or says “stay close” when others urge us to push independence is a precious compass. It doesn’t shout. It waits.
Often, it comes in the stillness of the night, in the long gaze at a sleeping child, or in the quiet ache we feel when something doesn’t sit right.
I never knew I could love so deeply with no want in return. I remember waking up in the middle of the night-half asleep, not even fully conscious that she had cried out and yet somehow knowing exactly what she needed. I could tell when she was thirsty, when she needed a change, or simply wanted to be held. I could translate her baby words, understand her gestures, and sense her moods with a clarity that surprised me. I had always loved children, that’s why I became a teacher. But this was something else entirely. This was instinct. This was love as knowing.
To hear that voice again, we need to slow down - not necessarily in action, but in spirit. We need to practise noticing: the rhythm of our breath, the cues our child gives us, the tug of intuition that tells us this matters. Journaling helps. So does solitude, even in fleeting moments. Most of all, we must give ourselves permission to trust what we already know—to choose without apology, and to stop seeking validation for what we feel in our bones.
As British midwife and author Sheila Kitzinger once said,
“Motherhood is a journey of self-discovery. If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.”
That voice within us? It has always been there. We just need to remember how to hear it - and to trust it.
Sometimes there is a doubt within us, was that voice my instinct or just my logic? In this confusion, things rarely go as planned, do they? And when they don’t, that’s when we’re invited to look a little deeper—beyond the surface frustrations—into the hidden insights our children and our own hearts are offering us. Those moments of derailment often hold the very wisdom we didn’t know we were seeking. Curious? Good. Let's step into them together.
Messy Moments, Deeper Wisdom
Motherhood is not a straight line. It is a winding path of scraped knees, spilt milk, unfinished to do lists, and days that feel wildly off course. And yet, it is in those messy, unfiltered moments that life quietly offers its richest teachings. A tantrum in the middle of the market can teach us patience and the art of gentle boundaries. A failed lesson in homeschooling might lead to spontaneous discovery, laughter, and connection. When things unravel, we are invited not to fix, but to feel, to lean into the chaos and listen to what it’s asking of us.
I remember one such afternoon when my sister-in-law and I were out shopping with our little ones, Grace and her cousin in Paltan Bazaar, Dehradun. The market was buzzing, the crowds thick, and the kids were tired, cranky, and very vocal about wanting to go home. We managed to feed them at one of the well-loved eateries, thinking that might solve problems, but the whining continued.
In a moment of desperation and lighthearted mischief, I pointed to the dingy wooden windows on the ancient first floors above the shops and told them that Paltan Bazaar had a special children’s cop squad officers who came to take away kids who cried too much in public. You should’ve seen their faces! Instantly alert and surprisingly composed, they walked quietly beside us as we quickly wrapped up our errands.
Once we were home, comfortable and cozy again, we overheard the two of them chatting—half grumbling, half indignant about how “Paltan Bazaar doesn’t even have a nice place for kids and still won’t let us cry!”
It was, in many ways, a trying day but also one that lives on as a funny, precious memory. A reminder that even in chaos, there is a possibility for humour, connection, and creativity to emerge.
Children are our mirrors. Their emotions, however loud or confusing, often reflect unmet needs or simple truths. They call us into a deeper presence and ask us to choose compassion over control. And when we respond from the heart rather than the script, something beautiful happens: we grow!
As the poet Rumi wisely said,
“The wound is the place where the light enters you.”
In the stumbles and surprises of parenting, we find not failure, but profound insight, if only we have the grace to look for it.
Along with grace, it takes some strength and courage to navigate such stumbles and surprises of parenting. Sometimes, finding strength begins with finding the laughter in the middle of the noise. And true strength isn’t about muscling through everything alone, as if parenting were a solo endurance test. We were never meant to carry our burdens by ourselves—just as many hands make light work of lifting a heavy load, many hearts make light work of carrying life’s weight. Keep reading to see why the inner circles we keep matter so much.
Finding Strength in your Inner Circle
There is something deeply healing about sitting in a circle of parents who are honest about their struggles, generous with their laughter, and open with their hearts. In those shared stories, the ones that begin with “me too” and end in gentle knowing, we rediscover our own strength. When we see that others lose their temper, forget the lunchbox, or have doubts just like us, we stop holding ourselves to an impossible standard. Instead, we begin to lean into the community as a source of wisdom and warmth.
I remember being three months pregnant with Grace, officially one doctor recommended bed rest - though you wouldn’t have guessed it from how I kept hopping around the house, restless and bored. Then one day, my childhood friend from Delhi called. Her daughter, two years older than Grace, had been born prematurely. She shared, gently but firmly, the story of those difficult early days—of watching her tiny baby endure tubes and needles, of quitting her job to become her daughter's full time caregiver, of the emotional toll and the strength it took. “Are you crazy?” she said. “Do you really want to risk that?” And just like that, I got back into bed. I obeyed the doctor—not out of fear, but because someone I loved reminded me that caring for myself was also caring for my child. That call was a lifeline. Friends are important.
Our inner circles remind us that we are not alone. They offer a space to be messy, real, and still worthy of love. In community, we find courage—not from being fixed, but from being embraced exactly as we are. And it’s in that space of acceptance that self trust begins to grow.
As writer and mother Rachel Macy Stafford once said,
“You are not alone. You are seen. You are loved. You are enough.”
In the presence of others who believe in us, we begin to believe in ourselves again - and that is a beautiful gift to both mother and child. In the end, the circles we keep don’t just hold us—they help us remember who we are. With that, let’s move to the end of this blog.
Conclusion
As we reach the end of our journey through "Motherhood Without a Manual," I hope you feel a renewed sense of peace and power in your parenting. We've peeled back the layers of expectation, reconnected with our deepest knowing, embraced the beautiful chaos, and found strength in the shared experience of this incredible ride. Remember, there's no single right way to be a parent, only your way, guided by your unique instincts and boundless love.
Let’s recap the key takeaways from this blog:
Release the Myth of the Perfect Mother: We often carry invisible scripts about what "good motherhood" should look like, fueled by societal ideals and media. This vision is unrealistic and can erode a mother's confidence. True good motherhood is defined by love, presence, and courage, not by an impossible standard.
Reconnect with Your Inner Voice: Our instincts are a powerful compass, quietly guiding us, but they can be drowned out by external noise and comparison. It is important to slow down, notice our breath, our child's cues, our intuition, and give ourselves permission to trust what we already know.
Embrace Wisdom in Messy Moments: Parenthood is a winding path filled with unexpected challenges and unraveling moments. These "messy" situations are not failures, but opportunities for profound insight, growth, and even humor, calling us to choose compassion and presence over control.
Find Strength in your Inner Circle: We are not meant to navigate parenthood alone. There is a healing power of supportive communities where honesty, shared laughter, and genuine connection allow us to release impossible standards and find renewed courage and self-belief.
So, go forth, brave parents, with renewed confidence in your inherent wisdom. Trust your instincts, embrace the beautiful imperfections, and know that you are already more than enough. The greatest manual for your unique journey is already within you.
If at any point during this read, you found yourself intrigued by my journey then do check out my book, Parenting with a Smile? Written alongside 4 exceptional individuals, we co-created this not as a guide but as a playful insight to different journeys, because all of us are different and holistic growth doesn’t come in a one-size-fits-all. But it welcomes all of us, without differences.
Thank you for reading this blog and as you’ve made it so far I’d love to hear from you! So like, comment and if this helped you, do share with other parents.