⬅︎ Parenting Tips

💡 Celebrate effort more than outcomes to nurture lasting self-esteem in your child.

✅ Benefits of Focusing on Effort

• Helps children value persistence and growth over perfection

• Builds emotional resilience in the face of failure or setbacks

• Reduces anxiety around results and performance

• Encourages intrinsic motivation instead of external validation

• Deepens parent-child connection through meaningful encouragement

🧠 What Research Says

Children’s self-worth often becomes tethered to praise, but not all praise is created equal. Telling a child “You’re so smart” might sound uplifting—but it subtly teaches that being smart is the goal. When that belief gets shaken (hello, tough math test!), self-esteem can wobble.

Focusing on effort instead of results rewires this. Saying “You worked really hard on that” gives the child credit for what they can control. It highlights their process, not their perfection. Think of it like watering the roots instead of polishing the leaves.

When children believe their efforts matter, they feel empowered to try new things, take risks, and grow from mistakes. It fosters what psychologists call a “growth mindset”—the belief that abilities can develop through dedication.

Also, neuroscience tells us that the brain is like a muscle—it gets stronger with use. So when we cheer for effort, we’re not just being nice—we’re literally encouraging brain development. Who knew a “Nice try!” could be so scientific?

📖 A Parenting Anecdote

Every evening around 7:30, the Iyers’ living room in Bengaluru transforms into a chaotic mix of textbooks, water bottles, and the occasional flying eraser. Ten-year-old Aarav, surrounded by worksheets, was knee-deep in fractions—and not happy about it.

“I can’t do this, Amma! I’m just bad at maths,” he grumbled, pencil clenched like a sword ready to be dropped.

Neha, sipping her chai nearby, paused. The old her might’ve said, “Of course you can do it, you’re smart!” But today, she knelt beside him and tried something different.

“You’ve already finished two pages without help,” she pointed out. “That shows determination. Let’s tackle this one step at a time.”

Aarav frowned, but kept going. When he got the next problem wrong, he didn’t spiral—just rubbed it out and tried again. Thirty minutes later, his workbook was complete. Not flawless, but finished with effort.

That night at dinner, Neha proudly shared, “Aarav kept at a tricky math chapter tonight—even when it was frustrating. I saw real focus there.”

Aarav’s eyes sparkled. It wasn’t about being the best. It was about being noticed for trying. Over the next few weeks, Aarav didn’t magically become a math wizard—but he did stop calling himself “bad at it.” He even volunteered to help a friend at school. All because his mom cheered for the climb, not just the summit.

💬 Final Thought

Our words shape how children see themselves. When we celebrate effort, we tell them: “You matter—not because you're perfect, but because you're growing.” That’s the kind of confidence that doesn’t crack when life gets hard.

Try this tip today—one gentle moment can change the tone of your whole day.